I’ve been now eight weeks in quarantine here in Tokyo. How do I feel? I’ve always struggled to answer this question. It is very difficult for me to put into words my feelings. I never sure if I know what it is that I’m really feeling.
I have found out that there are some people who are more connected with their feelings, or rather, I should say, they are better at putting into words what they feel. On the other hand, there is people like me, on the other side of the spectrum who find it very difficult to explain to others how we feel. We feel, but it is difficult for us to express those feelings.
And that’s ok!
When friends ask me: “How do you feel? How are you doing?” I never know how to answer.
And that’s ok!
They will later say: “You don’t have feelings Héctor, you are a robot.”
I think it is the reverse.
I feel more.
It took me a while to realized this. Daily events, locations, moods in the people around me affect me enormously. How to I cope with it? I try to deal with my emotions internally but sometimes it becomes weird and difficult.
I’m learning to look at my actions instead of trying to force into words how I feel.
I believe that actions speak by themselves. Am I acting different after eight weeks of quarantine? Yes, during quarantine:
- I’m writing less. I’m less creative.
- Sometimes I’m angry for no reason. I can’t focus and I go to the balcony window to look at the sky.
- I wonder around a lot of time doing nothing.
- Reading more news, I never read news. Now for some reason now I do, I’m worried about my family in Spain and the future of the world.
- I’m programming more, I find myself in the command line. Am I programming just for the shake of programming… (Is this my way to escape from reality? )
- I’m watching more Netflix and Youtube.
- I can’t focus reading the same book and I jump from one book to another.
- I’m having lots of doubts on which personal project to focus on.
- I’m generally unmotivated to start anything new.
- I’m exercising more but I don’t feel necessarily good after it.
- I’m listening to more podcasts, usually I never listen to podcasts.
These list of changes in my behavior make me realize that quarantine, even though I’m a person who likes being alone in quiet environments is affecting me emotionally.
I’m probably feeling lonely and unhappy in this situation. Am I stressed and that’s why I find ways to “escape” the stress?
How to fix this situation?
The first step to change ourselves is having awareness of the situation. What I did by writing down the list above is a form of bringing awareness to our feelings.
The next step is to change my actions.
Actions not in accordance with our IKIGAI → Bad feelings
Actions not in accordance with our IKIGAI → Good feelings
Feelings without control → Our actions become chaotic and not in accordance to our IKIGAI
We change our actions to align with our IKIGAI → Our feelings change, and we feel better and happier.
How do I change my daily bad behavior and actions (Listed before) to change how I feel?
I need to add more structure to my days. I have a well established morning routine but the rest of the day I jump from work to personal projects, to idleness on weekends. I need to plan more.
This is my plan to change myself:
- Write a diary daily! Now I do it but once every 10 days…
- Plan my next day everyday before winding down at night.
- Plan my week on Sunday afternoon
- Plan my month the last week of each month.
To plan I will use a very simple bullet journal style system.
Are you behaving like you would be proud of yourself? If not, you might be feeling down and you need to change. How do you change? Start by adding little changes in your daily routine like planning your next days.